Today is a good day...

5th June 2019

Today is a good day.

I woke up, took a breath. The sun was shining and my heart was beating. I couldn’t have asked for more.

Today is an important day for me. Today marks a year since I attempted to take my own life.

It's not been an easy year and there have been some bumps along the way.

However, I can safely say I am in recovery and slowly but surely responding to psychological treatment which in itself is amazing.

I thought today would be a hard day, I thought the memories would be difficult to deal with. The memories are there true enough however instead of focusing on the sadness and negative thoughts surrounding the experience the thoughts are positive. It's strange to think that on 12 months I have become a different person, a better person.  A not quite fixed but learning to manage person.

My work have been utterly brilliant, allowing me back on a part-time basis to begin with and now I'm back full time and feeling happier here than I think I ever have and it shows.

My psychologist, GP and the varying specialists I've seen both inpatient and outpatient have been fantastic, so understanding and patient! I certainly wouldn't want to work with me sometimes but she powers through and slowly slowly we are making progress!

But the people who have truly made this past year possible and manageable are my family and the friends I consider family.

From everything between letting me move back home to helping me transition back to my flat to simply picking up when I'm not okay and starting those conversations with me are the true heroes of this story.

Without my family I wouldn't be here...poor mum I think I've stressed her beyond belief but now things really are moving forward.

During the tough times, I have to remember that recovery is not linear and that despite what I may think and feel at times; there are people out there that really do love and care for me through not only the good times but the difficult bad times.

I'm progressing physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Small steps in all these things equal an overall positive change for the better.

It will take time but recovery is possible.

I have borderline personality disorder.

I have depression.

I have attempted suicide.

But I am me.

Above all I'm a fighter.

💚💚💚💚